Men: Cultivate an abundance mentality

A man looking thoughtfully out of the window — source

Many of us grew up for whatever reason thinking that the best way to a woman’s heart is by showering her with attention. And yes, this sometimes works, but it may have the opposite effect from what you intend.

We may have grown up watching chick flicks or even Bollywood movies where the man gets a target woman and chases (stalks?) her until she finally is convinced of his undying love and marries him.

But the thing is, you see, this doesn’t always work and can cause the opposite effect. Women can detect neediness in men. When you act needy, she takes this to mean that you don’t have options. She is your best option, and therefore YOU need her more than she needs you.

Women want men who are wanted by other women. If you aren’t wanted by anyone, does that mean you’re a picking? That you are someone that she should compete for?

Or does it make you a backup, a fall back, a last resort when the well is dry?

If you want to be at the top of the pile, you need to start with an attitude change. Grow an attitude of abundance.

This applies even in a marriage relationship. The difference in that in a marriage, the commodity becomes attention and time.

In both cases, how do you stop looking at women as a scarce resource? How do you get a mentality of abundance?

The three domains of value for men

You need to be valuable. Three main categories to increase your value in the sexual marketplace.

  1. Socially
  2. Financially
  3. Physically

The last one — physically, this is also the easiest one. Start working out, getting fit, eating well. Learn about style, take a shower regularly, brush your teeth, wash your clothes.

Financially — Make yourself the top of your game at your career or business. Kick some ass and make yourself super valuable so that the money will grow.

Socially — Learn how to talk to people, how to make friends, how to make small talk, how to flirt, how to make jokes.

It sounds like a lot, but take it a step at a time. Slowly but surely you will be the boss man, and you will naturally feel attractive, and be at the top of your game.

Even if you have all of the above, if you are missing the attitude change, you will still be a chump. It’s so important to cultivate an attitude of abundance. To see women as a part of your life but never the focus of it.

Remember, even if you are the most attractive, fit, wealthy, socially adept man, you will still face problems unless you have the right attitude and self worth and your place in the relationship.

If your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you, work on the above. Are you a valuable confident sexy man who other women would love to sleep with? If so, she will notice this. If you are a fat slob that smells bad and you’ve taken your relationship for granted maybe it’s time to increase your value in the above three domains.

Priorities have to be in the right place.

Disclaimer: The advice mentioned above could equally apply to women and is not intended to exclude them, however is written from the perspective of a straight man speaking to other men. And of course there will always be exceptions

Husband, dad to five, tech enthusiast. Former Conservative Muslim. www.abdullahsameer.com

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