How porn affects your relationships

Couple looking at something interesting on the screen together

Porn as escapism

There are debates on the harms of porn. If you are in a committed relationship, it can become an outlet and lead to you neglect your spouse. It’s an easy way out rather than putting in an effort to fix the underlying issues. It’s much easier to just pull out your phone or laptop and wank rather than having to actually talk to your partner. You might be simmering over that argument you had and don’t feel like apologizing. Maybe they’re the ones who need to apologize this time and didn’t do so. By using porn instead of having sex with your partner, you are avoiding dealing with the root issue that’s getting in the way of your intimacy.

Good relationships take effort. And while couples can use porn together, many times it’s used privately as escapism.

Performance anxiety

If you have sexual issues, discuss that with your partner. Good communication is one of the most important requirements for good sex. Many men struggle with ‘performance anxiety’ and this becomes a less embarrassing way to get their sexual satisfaction. It can become an addiction because there’s no communication needed. There’s no “other” to deal with. It’s just you and erotic images appearing on the screen. If you suffer from erectile dysfunction, maybe it’s time to talk to your doctor. There are solutions to this problem. Most popular one is Viagra, but sometimes ED is a symptom of some other underlying issue that you need to treat. As hard as it is (pun intended), it’s worth looking into fixing this.

Porn and shame

Many people grow up feeling that it’s not okay to masturbate or watch porn. They feel like touching themselves is immoral. A surprising number of women never have orgasms. The first step in enjoying sex with someone else is learning to enjoy sex by yourself. If you can’t pleasure yourself, there is no way someone else will pleasure you. Once you learn your own body, you can help someone else know how to make you feel good.

If you are single

If you are a single guy, you might use porn to avoid going out and talking to women. You could instead use your biological drive as a motivation to get laid! Go out, talk, mix, learn to flirt and mingle. Many of the times we behave in ways to avoid rejection.

Remember: Rejection Over Regret. Always.
Would you rather live with regret? Or experience a momentary rejection that will sting, but you will get over it?

Many people who come from conservative backgrounds never learnt how to talk to the opposite sex. They find it awkward as hell. But practice makes perfect. And there are many resources online on how to gain confidence to approach others. Sometimes there’s some basic things missed like good hygiene. Sometimes it’s just learning how to make small talk.

Remember, you are the result of your parents getting laid, and their parents getting laid ,and their parents… Your genes have been successful in reproducing themselves all the way to you. There’s nothing more natural than falling in love and having sex. Go with the flow. You can do it!

In conclusion

There are many arguments about the harms or benefits of porn in relationships. When used as escapism, it’s detrimental to intimacy in your relationship. If you are single, it can also be used to avoid having to actually talk to the opposite sex. It is a tool that you need to evaluate carefully and not use it in ways that will be detrimental to your long-term happiness.

Husband, dad to five, tech enthusiast. Former Conservative Muslim. www.abdullahsameer.com

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